Sudah memasuki hari libur minggu ini...jakarta mulai lengang karena banyak yg mudik...walau di daerah gading kayaknya ga sepi2 amat krn tampaknya mayoritas non muslim...malah mal makin rame karena para pembantu udah pulang jadinya ga masak deh....

di rumah gue malah jadi kapal pecah karena lagi di cat n di renov kecil2an deh...ruangannya dibuat kayak dulu lagi diman ruang tamu los aja gtu...cuma untuk dapur yah disekat coz banyak yang hidung nya sensitif ma bau masakan pdhal pd makan kok enak2 aja ah huahahhhaaaa............. sensi atau terlalu dibuat-buat well i dont know. orang kan punya pemikiran beda2 iya ga.

Pernah ga lo ngerasain segitu ga bisa hormatnya lo ma org yg pdhal dr segi umur n posisi dia hrsnya dihormatin...bahkan tu org sendiri pernah bilang lo kok ga mandang g??? well jwban g adalah g ga bisa munafik. apalgi g udah pernah liat org itu buka topengnya n it hit me so hard n make step so deep inside that i cant erase. g ga pernah ngerasain begini but i reaaly eat my feeling... g menyimpan dalem2 but that person juga ga memberi contoh ya sudah begitu terus deh... i cant seem to think something nice n sincere from him?

have u ever felt like that? i hope not.coz it sucks u deep. g terkadang merenung napa g bisa sgini nya.se sebel nya g ma org ga pernah sampe se dalam ini ...mungkin i see his action everyday yah....jadi bukan makin baik tp makin parah...huahhhaaaahahaaaa...........

Do we have to please others??

Do we really need to please others all the time...although it risk our relationship? which do we choose when all that things collide together?
saat ini di otak g begitu banyak pertanyaan mengenai hubungan antar manusia. dari pertemanan, persaudaraan, pacaran, dsb. dimanakah skala prioritas kita?
sebegitu besarkah rasa tidak enak atau malu pada teman yg notabene adalah teman kerja kita? apa krn kita perlu secara bisnis maka org yg hub lebih lama atau lebih dekat akan dikorbankan??

can we really answer that ??

Dear Myself

Hello myself,

where have u been. ive been looking for u. we need to have a deep talk. about ur feelings, ur future, n everything that u really want in the future.
u lose urself easily and think too much. u dont want to let go but also dont want to hold on. u know everything in this world will be gone at some point. u have to realize it and u will be able to face it.

i know it hard sometime. but like the old saying.... time will heal...

why u always fall for the same hole. did u regret the past? we know better than that. we know it wont give us the future. or did u hope for something else. do u want to lose what u have now?

i know its hard but u have to put ur mind together. if u can handle it nomore. talk to me or someone u can depend on. ur not alone u know. u just afraid that if u show ur true feeling, people might judge u differently right.or maybe u will be lost once again.

u are worth it. u have to know that .

well see u later. hope in better condition.

satu hari lagi lewat...minggu ini seharusnya cukup menyenangkan karena ada libur di tengah minggu tapi untuk kembali ke rutinitas membuat jadi malas.

begitu banyak yang terjadi di sekeliling gue beberapa minggu belakangan ini. ada sahabat2 ku yang bingung ( penggambaran paling ringan dari masalah hati mereka) dalam kehidupan percintaan. pertanyaan yang jadi nomor satu adalah : klo memang apa yang dirasakan begitu mendalam kenapa semua jadi berantakan?

hubungan yang berjalan lama, ternyata hancur karena masalah tingkah laku. itupun kalo ditilik lebih lanjut terkadang membuat gue berpikir apa memang kita,kaum perempuan,terlalu menuntut? awalnya ingin kompromi tapi pasangan malah merasa terpaksa? apakah suatu hubungan yang sudah lama seharusnya menjadi lebih mengerti satu sama lain atau malah semakin mendorong menjauh dengan samakin besarnya jurang pemisah.mulai dari cara berpikir, cara berteman,dan masih banyak lainnya.

tapi bila itu menjadi jurang kenapa masih ada keinginan kuat untuk tetap ingin bersama.ingin mencoba memperbaiki.kebanyakan itu semua dari si perempuan lagi. apakah kita memang makhluk yang persistent atau terlalu berharap?? hehehehe...........

terus ada lagi yang bermasalah dengan cari kerja dan juga pekerjaan. cari kerja susah saat dapat kerja ada aja yang kurang sedangkan saat dapat kerja yang menyenangkan tetap aja ada yang kurang juga. well memang rumput tetangga akan selalu lebih hijau yah.

tetapi kenapa gue sendiri cenderung lagi afek datar yah...hehehe kayak arie aja gue yah. sedikit goyah hanya karena kemaren rabu dapat kabar ola polonia,omanya elin meninggal tiba2.itu doang yang bikin gue sedikit merasa bahwa masih ada perasaan gue ternyata yah... kangen juga ketemu ma mama agus n om parera =p

So lonnnggggg........

been such a long time since i pour my heart n mind...its been the residence of my work day after day...this is the work i wanted but it really suck my mind n time out. everything needs sacrifice right... u got one but lose other.

a lot of people come my way... a lot of experience make my perspective wider... i know myself litle by little. ternyata dari setiap kepribadian itua da lapisan2 yg bayak n complicated...
rasa sayang itu ada banyak lapisan...rasa benci juga begitu... kembali ke orang nya msing2 untuk mempermudah atau mengikuti kerumitan lapisan itu... but i guess thats the phenomena of life... walaupun mnrt g klo manusia bisa lebih mudah mengembil arti kehidupan dr fase2 yg dihadapi g yakin masalah2 yg dihadapi tiap mns atu bahkan suatu negara akan lebih mudah...semua akan tenteran dan damai. but i guess that hard way to go. bahkan alasan cinta aja bisa jadi perang.

i know now that i want to get my psycholog degree...so i can be onsultant or maybe opening a beureau... i like to hear what ithers felt...i want to help them that have something deep in their thought.
i know i need a long way to go...but its okay to have a dream right =)

i know my precious moments is with my friend n love ones...it really fill my heart with happiness.... i sad when my friend sad,i wanto to help them happy although just by listening their problem...

God Bless...........

Recap of 3months

here i go again.....in nowhere land.....searching for something in my mind,in my life,in my heart!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

blogger ini menjadi bagian hidup g buat nguras otak gue yg klo dah kepenuhan.utk saat ini cukup butuh waktu jg buat kepenuhan yah..... its been 3months i dont write anything.

this is a recap of this past 3months.

i moved job again.from the rimau (the one in harmony) to daan mogot again.this one ive become HR....although at first i still searcing to become a good n capable HR..i know i become better :p but srill the trauma coz by experience from working rimau still haunted me.im afraid suddenly the region head or my GM doesnt like without telling me.dont like my personality no coz of my work......
it haunted me like an owl searching for mouse...............
i try to thank for His blessing coz i only jobless for around 2 weeks before i got this job where i become HR,the work that i want to be coz of my background of course n in here i become supervisor...not bad right??although the responsibilty behind it also big....kinda jumping 2 steps of stairs at once.
thats the story of my prof life...

my personal on the other hand....its okay...on sept ona come jkt for her sista wedding....we hung out for couple of times....withthe cav ganks n of course dami n tito. although im in the middle of working so i can be around much.but il ove when we hung out,tell story of our life n around us.laugh togeher....its make life easier at that time before come back to real life.see benny after a long time with his new haircut n colour (ciee yg mau jd famous.......)

my bday on sept 17th is unforgetabble coz the ganks give me book n we can hung out together.anton give me shirts of god inc,the one that i want.luv u hani bani heehehe.........

i think thats it...i try to balance between prof n personal life...coz in prof life i know thats not fully me,bcoz i hev to bcome they leader not their friend.instead i also balance bwtween with my friends n with anton....i need that to recharge myself when i come to office every monday especially.

skarang dah mau lebaran...ga brasa bgt deh...g dpt libur 10hr yg kbanyakan g pake buat ngumpul ma anak2 n jalan2 ma anton tanpa hrs kpikiran cepet2 pulang krn bsok kerja heheheheh.....walau tetep sdikit mikirin kantor krn g hrs cek jg satpam yg jaga bener2 ga kmana2.krn kantor g walau libur dr tgl 31 tp ada yg stby utk teknisi dr 31-2nov.blm kantor yg d bks jg hrs d cek....lumayan deh bikin pulsa habis heehehhe.....

tp g seneng bgt buat keh g 3bln ini serta liburan lebaran ini krn banyak karunia dr Tuhan buat g.....g smakin brasa kebaikan dia mengingatkan g akan ssorg yg harus g mulai belajar memaafkan.seperti Dia bilang maafkanlah musuh2mu...itu adl yg terberat....yah....hanya Tuhan yg bisa bantu g buat forgive n forget.

Well itu dulu kalee yah....

Suddenly u think...........

i never thought i would be in this position........... i really dont like it.this is the dillema of anything that ive told people not to do when they are in this position.Coz i know logically u have to choose.but it so hard.one hand this is where u already write down ur history together all these years,if u think as a blank paper.but when u see the story in that paper,u become more thoughtfull about everything but u never decided to ended the story coz a lot of thing make u tired but never desperate. but now u see ur other hand where other blank paper start to fill with words of hope n affection. story that i thought i never ever gone through again. story that i never think so much can tore my mind and my heart.

just a flash of something,i start to write that other paper. i have my own story along the way but never think to write in different blank paper.just think this is something along the way.
i really confused right now.im so happy i can feel the butterfly again but on the other hand this is dangerous.i become the old me the one that i try to left behind.the one that need chalengge,crave attention,and all others.

when i see the two paper.my heart start to sank and feel a whole inside of me.i only can pray.but still something inside my head echo 'how about if this is the truth??'
how i ever answer the question.its like one foot on the inside room n other start walking outside??i want to inside and just feel safe but the other i want to try something new so i know which one best? but do i suppose to go outside to know that??
o God.....it stuck in my head.for the first time of my life,i feel the tingle since day one.have u ever feel that?? i know its not logic.but that is what i felt when we first met.i crave so much............
for all u out there who know me.....what should i do????This is the time i really need some backup.i cant decide or wont? i dont know............

='(

Life of his own

Life of my own

day by day, step by step
like a little child learning to walk.
one step ahead from another.

time goes by like a ghost,
stealing your time and experience
hide in every corner of your life
to take it all,before you realize.

you only see in you memory
what time has stolen....
if u cant even notice it
it gone like the wind
without any trace.

cherich every moment u have
like it is ur last day.
u wont regret in your memory
or even when u cant trace it anymore.
but you know for sure
that memory has something special
coz you cherish it...

every step has its own mark.
believe it or not,
it will leave marks....

So follow your path of life
Coz that is Life of my own.

life is a Journey

well ive been through a tough week.thinking about my decision n experience for taking a new job. it is really like jump off a cliff coz u dont know what lay ahead. but after thinking through it all, i have to be wiser in life and dont want to be quitter. untung keadaan keluarga g ga bikin g org yg gampang putus asa.

hampir g jd org yg kerjanya complain terus n ga liat sekeliling dulu. walau tetep ada pelajarannya bhw ga sgampang itu make choice n ga boleh cepet2. bener jg kt viana sebelumnya background check is a must!!!

life is a journey (ngutip kt tamara blezynnski yg lg naek daun beritanya) semua ada jalannya dah akan mengarah ke jalah lain....jd ikutin aja...setiap persimpangan membuat kita berpikit lebih matang dan menguatkan hati. hanya seekor keledai yg akan masuk ke lubang yg sama 2x. hal ini berlaku dalam semua aspek kehidupan. saat logika terhenti dan manusia mencari alasan maka dia termasuk org yg ga pasrah serta dibutakan.

Kemaren g br d wisuda...seru bgt d, dgn dandanan yg berbeda bgt d...g pake kebaya loeh...bonyok datengdr menado trus pd nginep d Hilton, compliment dr temen kantor bokap g P'Kafi Kurnia. dsana segerombolan brg lusi+cesar.... prosesinya bikin g ngantuk bgt d... udah g jauh duduknya ma beni...deg2an ternyata yah d wisuda tp sisanya ngantuk heehhehe...

siangnya nat+ane datang...senenngnya d g didatengin walau jd bertanya2 pd saat temen2 g wisuda, g dmana yah?? hiks..hiks...

mudah2aqn g bisa dtg utk sumpah nat+ane...ato klo ada ntar yg kul s2 d jkt tp kaleee =p

g ma anak2 itu dibawa liat pameran handicraft d hall sebelah...lumayan d batik2nya...g mau d jd pemakai batik sayang yg bagus tp mahal2 a.k.a toyer kt ane tp sayang krn g masih pake hak tinggi bikin g ga nyaman bgt n kaki belas jdnya...

pas sore brenang d hotel perih bgt.....tp view d kolam renangnya keren bgt d....

malemnya g tepar d kecapean....trus hari ii back to kantor lg.....

L.O.V.E

When you love someone, you'll do crazy things you can't explain, you'll deny the truth and believe in lies. When you love someone, you sacrifice, give everything you've got and dont think twice.

Love is the feeling we fall in and out of, and every time we fall off, we learn to hold on tighter...hoping that next time, we may never have to let go. They say when love knocks at your door, open it. But do you know that sometimes love enters through the back door and before you begin to notice it, it's on it's way out. why? bcoz u to focus on front door then forget bout the one that back u up truthfully.

Have you ever loved only to let it go?.. Have you ever hated someone and loved him so?.. Have you ever missed someone so bad it made you cry?.. Have you ever seen someone left alone without knowing why? ..
True: Lucky is the man who wins the first love of a woman but luckier is the woman who wins the last love of a man.

Love is not the right word to say when you feel guilty nor the right word to say when you like a person but love really matters when we share our thoughts, our minds, and our hearts...

Life has a way of changing things but not the joy that friendship brings, for friendship is like the shining moon, makes each night a brighter one. Love is not for beauty or color of the skin, but for a heart that is loyal within, for beauty fades and the skin would grow old but a heart that is loyal will never turn cold.

If someone hurts you, betrays you, or breaks your heart, forgive them for they have helped you learn about trust and the importance of being cautious to whom you open your heart.

The past is meant to be used as a tool for the future.

Bad experiences indeed make you bitter but the lessons learned should make you better.

On letting go: it hurts to see someone you love happy with somebody else;

but wouldn't it hurt you more to see that person unhappy...with you?

When you find arms that will hold you at your weakest, eyes that will see you at your ugliest, lips that will kiss you in both instances, and a heart that will love you at your worst, then you have found true love.

Someday, someone might come into your life and love you in a way you always wanted.

If your someday was yesterday.. LEARN
If your someday is tomorrow.. HOPE
If your someday is today.. CHERISH.

GBU

dear me,

wuih what a long time since i read n wrote this blogger... i miss u hehehe....i miss a lot of people nih...kmaren g ngutak ngatik friendster n liat temen2 santi n ternyata ada anak d3 inggris gtu dr temennya santi n g cari2 muka2 yg g kenal n u all know hat ada sammy hehehe lucu bgt deh...jgn2 tu anak dah jd esmod lg...ternyata setau g dia pacaran ma...aduh g lupa namany tp tauorgnya d...wah tp mo punya ce pa ga tetep lucu hehehe...........

jgn pd mikir macem2 yah....g suka tu org seblum bgt ma anton sekitar th 99 pas g masuk d3 inggris.... suatu keputusan yg g sesali meninggalkan ui tsb pdhal g tinggal 2sem kasarnya cm gara2 sulit bgt ktemu ma dekan buat cuti akhirnya g keluar bener2 deh...hiks sedihnya pdhal asyik bgt d suasana belajar...g mo cuek2 aja jg bisa klo mo gaul jg bisa....wallau g ga beljar d rumaha tp krn belajarnya kontinu gut jd enak aja gtu...

g br email temen g yg paling deket d situ yaitu mia...wah masih pd inget g ga yah?? well klo ga yah pasrah deh...jd inget masa2 d ui deh...n suasana kampus yg enak bgt tu...

wuah.... suah deh...thats the past lah yah...

skrg d kantor lg pusing bgt lg gara2 tiba2 ada blank signal gtu d jakarta...udah deh pd complain semua n g jg bingung lg info apa soalnya kan belum ketahuan permasalhannya apa?!!! skrg sih ktnya dah solved tp masih ada juga tuh yg complain...pusing deh...untung tinggal bentar lg g dah mo pulang n besok libur!!!

g mo ngurus wisuda nih besok ma benny klo jadi n trus ktemu ma naka2 deh...skalian talk about aire...hope she can solve her problem for the best.

Somebody Out there

Somebody out there are looking at me,

Somebody will be there for me

in good times and bad time,

especially when u down on ur knees

they will feel u with warness in ur heart.

in times we forget about them,

especially when u so busy with ur ambition.

so caught up with individual life.

but.....

here they are, when u need the most.

they just pop out of the blue forr u.

with their attention and they ears

to listen n hug u

without any pretention.

They are ur true friend,

without boundaries of land or time.

They love u for who u are

although they not always on ur mind

but time will tell,

who u truly friends are.

I love u all..............

u all complete me and teach me

without u all know.

God Bless

me today.........

dear me,

hari ini g lagi libur nih...lg d warnet ma ane...wah bbrp hari ini warnet lagi tempat tongkrongan fave hehehe.... apalg nath dgn gebetan baru nya hehehe...jd pingin ktawa g inget permasalahn gebetan ini huahahah.... makanya ibu vania kayak ga kenal temen kita deh...siapa cb yg bisa mengalahkan pesona nath eheheh...knapa ga ada yg ngejar g yah...temen2 g kayakya lg pd dikejar2 yg untungnya buka karena ngutang hehehe...

ane dgn para laki2 terindahnya namun belum menemukan pilihan...nath dgn co 2 yg mengelilinginya namun masih dgn ketidakpastian akan mau dirinya sendiri.... arie yah itu aja sih tp... ups masalah kel ga boleh ....

klo g yah masih dengan cinta sesaat g hehehe cinta apa sih bo.... pokoknya seperti Jie un (ngarang ) bilang CHAYO!!!

uuhhh kangen k bdg n jalan2 ma beeeepppp maap harus di sensor... utk kerahasiaan pihak2 yg tdk ingin disebutkan namanya...hehehe

kemaren akhirnya g nelp tu anak... bawrl bgt d tp jd nya malah enak ga perlu mikir2 mo ngomong apa...g minta dititipan ma bonyoknya kartika sari sayang malah dah berangkat bt d.... lg ngidan KS nih dgn browniesnya ...mmmhhhh... enak nya...

well its okay if i just menikmati perasaan ini kan?? this is not worong right?? or it is?? well i know where the boundaries n hope i dont jump over it.... buat teman2 ku...this is just a phase of my life....

dear me,

im feeling so down this past few days....co ive been holding back ome feeling...i dont know if it alright but i know it for the best. i know im strong enough but it still haunt me... this is just a phase my best friend said...i know deep down thats true but i dont know....i like this feeling that for a long time i dont felt it anymore.... i love this ride of feeling.....

this is where my sanity keep me on the ground... i hev to finish it although i know whenu come to feeling u cant just end it but i hev to find a way... i once can make it that miracle ,i know now i can too...
i thankful that he is o kind to me that i dont have regret just memories about someone that i adore for a while. a memories that can be remembered everytime i want...the feeling...the butterfly...all what i did n how he so nice to me.... like im his friend n he know what it felt to like someone that not in right place or time...
im glad still holding me that i dont broke.... this i my weakne,when im feeling in love...i really become vulnerable but the strength from HIM n myelf that wont anybody see how weak i am keed holding me...

Ku tak tahu mengapa rasa itu hadir.
Memenuhi sisi yg tak kukira ada.

Ku tak tahu keberadaanmu kapan kan berakhir
Mengisi relung yang terdalam.

Ku tahu ku harus melewati semua asa mengalir,
dengan senyum tanpa penyesalan.

a journey has its own start and end. this is part of my jouney of life that i have to handle.

PETERPAN - Di atas Normal

tak dapat ku mengerti di kepala kepala di kaki

Pikiranku patutnya menyadari Siapa yang harus dan tak harus ku cari

Tetapi tak dapatku mengerti . Sesuatu yang baru ku sadari

Kau tinggalkanku tanpa sebab yang pasti Sesuatu yang harusnya terjadi

Kau sakiti aku kau yang harus ku benci

Tetapi tak dapatku menyesal dapatku mengerti Tetapi tak dapatku menertawai

Dapatku menertawai dapatku mengerti

Reff: Oooh... ku mencari sesuatu yang telah mati

AKu mencari hati yang ku benci

Oooh... ku mencari sesuatu yang tak kembali Ku mencari hati yang ku benci

Tetapi tak dapatku menertawai Dapatku menertawai dapatku Menertawai dapatku mengerti

Oooh... ku mencari tetap tak dapat ku temuiG

AKu mencari hati yang ku benci

isi hati terdalam neh...lagi bodoh bgt bbrp hari in gue!!!

dunno what to think, to feel even to make decision of something so absurd... omg.... ga jelas!!!

helllo me...

hello aku...hehehe...

hari ini gue lagi bodoh bgt deh... udah ah...g mau cerita2 aja ttg g akhirnya stl sekian lama ke bdg juga loh...senangnya...walaupun sedikit tercoreng oleh kejadian yg nge bt in but ada senganya juga deh... ada ade nya temen gu hehehe orgnya lucu deh...but yah segitua ja deh... g senang bgt bisa k bdg..liat jln dago trus tambahanya pas sabtu nya g nginep d hotel savoy gtu bisa brenang n dpt breakfast wah saenangya...jarang2 g tinggal di hotel bintang...hotel bersejarah lagi....

wah jd kangen bdg lagi deh...mmmh krn bdg pa krn ade temen g yah heheheh ga deng...bener nih kt benny g lama2 pedofil jg...di kantor pd seumuran ato yg tua2 kayaknya g biasa2 aja deh...bener2 deh gue... brother complex bgt kayaknya deh...

keinginan pindah bdg jd makin gede deh...suasana nya tuh enak bgt dgn cuacanya yg malem msh tetap dingin tp orng2 nya santai2 abis ga kayak d jkt smua serba grabak grubuk...g pingin slow down sdikit deh...atau merubah hidup g seidikit yg sudah terlalu monotn ini...

aduh brani ga yah g?? tapi g mo cb2 nanya ah mungkin ga yah g pindah?? start over all alone..
umur g dah ga muda lagi neih...hrs take chance asap...

well... we'll see n pray....like He said pray that its all up to HIM but do something like it all up to you...iya ga??!!

GBU

one day...............

hello myself,

beberapa hari ini begitu banyak ynag terjadi deh.... one of my friend passed away...when i heard the news , i dont belive it coz it so sudden n i dont even know if he was sick. the truth is dami n ivan kept it from us coz they thought we really be sad if saw jorjhie like that.

when me, ane n nath saw him at carolus...omg he looked so different not like oji that we know... it made us sad n angry coz we cant see him on his last day... we like thinking,,gila yah..temen g sakit keras tp g ga tau apa2 atau bahkan g seneng2 kali kmaren2....

i cant slept well that night...couple of time woke up coz dream that i dont even recall. death dont frighten me but still put a lot of mystery for me...

well now back to reality .... bbrp saat ini krn nath lg jd pengangguran krn dah selesai tinggal ane deh...kit asering jln bareng deh...lumayan deh sebelum pd sibuk2 lagi.. hehehe...

kemaren nonton brg janji joni...film nya bodoh bgt tp fave scene g adl liat joni playing drum..w.ah keren bgt soalnya ketahuan bgt nicholas maen beneran tuh...trus liat mariana renata...so cute n humble n..inner beauty abis d...

trus kemaren vania nelp g...like usual cav penuh dgn iri 2 an heehhe...pas g cerita ma nath n ane huahahaha....tp seneng deh denger kabar ibu itu abis sibuk bgt sampae email aja males krn pfull of college work n love work heehhe....

well g dah mo balik neh dr kantor...hope life can be this simple for next week n month..

GBU

hellooooo

wah dama lama jg neh ga isi...

news flash from this past few months...
1. akhirnya g n benny dah "baekan" ma elin hehe...gencatan senjata cuy coz after all this is her life right...like his father said she become more calm down hehehe....hope she wont regret everything that become her decision. coz married is a big deal. u vow in front of God n Human.gue ktemuan ma elin+mance mendengarkan cerita2 mereka b2 utk persiapan pernikahan...jd kepikiran tp smakin menyadari bhw merid buat g masih jaaaauuuuhhhh.....still want to be with myself more.
2.gue sempet telp yuli akhirnya..berhubungan dgn berita teman2 kita merid. ibu itu ternyata masih takut katanya shg hampir setahun ga ada kabr2nya. walau sebentar kayaknya cici bae2 aja. masih kerja n ma uut.
3. ngobrol2 ma ela ttg anak2 X yg dah mo selesai satu persatu n dgn yg pacaran2 ga jelas juga yg jelas tp jd lucu krn menurut kita bpk satu itu harusnya ga gtu bgt tp jd beda aja skrg setelah ada "bodyguard". rencana mo jalan2 luar kota lg pas dah pd ujian.
dua hal besar itu yg mnrt g happening bgt di hidup gue...tentang kehidupan g sih biasa2 aja.nothing much still the same...lagi seneng punya waktu ktemu temen2 gue coz after all like ive been talk in my blogger...my life is for others although i try to make balance...
4. nyelip satu nih...g br cobain mangga apel..pernah denger ga..tapi mangga nya aneh gtu.setengah mateng tapi setengah masih 1/2 mateng abis...

udah ah...dah mo siap2 kerja neh...

bubye...

dear myself,

wah bulan ini lg cape2 n bt2 nya ma jadwal kerja g nih...lagi sering bgt dpt kerja sabtu-minggu...hiks...hiks... bt deh...

tadi malem g aja tidur jam2 krn anton bela2in mau pas teng jam 12 d riumah rendy karena tuh anak ultah...ada onang n dindin juga...aduh si dindin itu lucu bgt tanpa tu anak hrs biat ngelucu...udah g ketawa mulu ngeliat tu anak b2 mirip gtu lama2 kayaka kaka-ade hehehehe....


oia g mo update last info ttg kekecewaan...g jd takut deh bila perubahan itu berhubungan dengan org yg sayang bgt apakah itu sahabat ato keluarga or even pacar2.... g brasa lagi berdiri di atas kapas yg salah bergerak sedikit robek ato terbang....

kayak skrg dhn sahabat g...or is she still consider me as best friend or just one of the guys?? coz she treat me like that...make me feel not worth it...i hope im not going to be like that...like i said to cavanela before...klo g dah anggep mereka jd keluarga bgt jd klo ada apa2 they will be the first to know or maybe second after family =p but i wont let them in the dark for so long...

it hurts u know...like being betray by someone u love.... i know ive been there when high school when cavanela grow apart but after that we grow stronger...for this problem, i really dont know...i think we will grow apart...coz i really feel i dont know her anymore...

everything that she told me doesnt come in action...all she share about her n anything i dont know if that really her or just...??

well...thats about it.... im talking to myself over and over again to have faith but its hard... i just follow what will be happen...but one yhing for sure...it already break apart .....

Suasana hati

dear myself,

still feeling kinda there is a black hole in my mind, my heart, my soul that attracts all my living n life inside. feeling numb to follow throuh what happened today....every little thing...

i dont know between feeling sad, happy or in between?? dont know what to think.... it just like i make through today like robot... a lot happen to me these past few days and weeks taht kinda make me sad and struggle...my sadness coz a friend, my workplace, my home...it all tumbling down in my heart n mind...that i feel like i want to do something crazy like running away and move to some place thhat dont know mw n i dont know anybody...so i can dissapear.

God help me....i love me and i know u love me...but it kinda hard to make it...i need some miracle or just little happiness to make throgh... u know the best for me, something that can lit my face n heart n mind.

i need time to relax n try to empty my mind of all these around me that tied me so tight...

hope i can make through of these boredom n deppressed inside...still try to laugh coz i hope it kinda help me....