Happy Bday To Me

Happy Bday To Me ( Sept 17th, 2007 )

One more year has passed... a lot of things going on in my life. But like other phase of life there also ups n downs. In some way i grow but also stuck =p.

But i know something though...that i feel cozy with myself. i know me thats important. For couple of years ive a habit on my bday to go someplace alone n just think and off course eat. i love eat =)
thats the thing that i like in me. i like being with myself. i hev to keep that. sometimes u can feel lonely or needed somebody but it can go away if u know yourself.

i hev met a lot of people that dont feel comfort in themselves. thats why they can be alone.they need to socialize n sometimes or a lot of times they do things that they others like but stupid i a way. i know this can be happening in women n men. BUt i know for sure in women coz i am one =p
i feel sad n mad when i know or maybe my closest n dearest friend do something stupid just to be in love or for the one they "think" they love. Sometimes LOve can be justification for things that not supposed to happen. like cheating, affair, in love with someone that already hev gf/bf or even spouse?? they only give love words,gifts or hugs n kisses but they can give themselves bcoz they already give that to one man/woman in the name of God.

Love sometimes can be hurting but u hev to know it logic or just justification of needing someone. See the actions in the name of love not just the words.

I know it maybe shallow bcoz theres always layers of every things but just feel it. if it feels rights do it but if dont then just stop.

I love the blessing that God give me to know the grey areas but not deep on it. I thank God that He gives me lovely friends n families that keep my head on the ground =p

Peace n God Bless.

Secret Admire

Ill become one of the secret admire. i dont know if i can call it a secret anymore coz everytime i see him my face blushed.my face bertrayed me. he got this charisma that u can look but u can have.its not that i wanting him,i just simply admire him. first, not being hypocrit =p , his looks caught my eyes ( ddeeee..... ) then second his so humble. when u know him or his status and u see his attitude everyday n u will agree with me.

His quiteness and shyness share the same feelings with me.first time we pass by on the corridor i pull my guts to say good morning but he just passed by n dont want look at me. first it kinda hurt me but then i saw his friends testimonial about how shy he is....

i dont hink its wrong right to become secret admire, since i dont want to become stalker or anything near that.

BUt then again he so cute and adorable.how i can resist that

Closer to the edge

closer to the edge..............

thats the word that can describe myself from day by day that i walk through. Maybe this feeling accumulate coz its been long time since i meet u God. I starting to surpress n hide my real feeling bcoz i want everybody see im alright.but the truth the rage is hidden deep that even i can pretend.

im tired with the responsibility in office that i can even grasp. i try to hold on to one side but eventually the other side start to loosen up. it happens all the time. sometimes i just want ran away from all this.

why this words i keep hearing from others and when they say that words... i can calmly say that its human. Bcoz we are from flesh and blood that have our own need not to be burden. Need to fly away and be free. Alas we all have responsibility that take us to real word.

i so used to hide things and make my head fully loaded.sometimes i can cry suddenly when i saw a movie or just part of the scene. i know this is the symptoms of my tiredness (is that a word ?? ) whatever....

i really need to get things out of my chest. bcoz it affected my perspective of things. i start to think that i better left alone. i just need people to be around me but not relationship bcoz it full of hope n wanting. i like lying on my bed, watch tv, n call my friends that i wanted, hang out with people that i want n its all without hoping if that people want to or not.

it really exhausting this kind of relationship.they want a piece of me without have to give out something from them?? what is the rality of take n give?? everybody hev their own ego.... they want what they want period.

i can blabbing all day but still i know i need them but want to be free of them....

SUCKS...............