Losing me.........

gue merasa mulai hilang...gue merasa lelah menyembunyikan rasa suka gue juga rasa sakit gue. mulai terasa terpinggirkan kewarasan gue dengan terus memendam dan menahan. takut salah dan takut malu jadi benteng gue dimana malah semakin membuat gue tidak tenang. membuat gue mulai kehilangan rasa di hati dan akan mulai numb again.

mungkin inilah yg membuat gue tidak mau mencari yang benar ato menunggu. namun g malah mengejar org yg tidak worth it sebenarnya. perasaan gue menipu gue sendiri ato gue memang ingin ditipu dengan perasaan semu ini. perasaan yang membuat g melayang terbang ke langit tertinggi dan jatuh ke dasar lembah terendah.

banyak yg bilang jatuh cinta itu indah.banyak yang bilang cinta kan menguatkan diri. mana cinta itu semua.... gue ga mau mencintai atau dicintai. gue ingin perasaan semu ini saja agar bila gue takut gue bisa kabur tanpa merasa menyesal.tanpa merasa tidah enak atau malu.

inikah pencarian banyak orang yang terkadang mereka meredam pikiran itu dan lebih memilih apa yg ada di depan mereka karena itu yang diinginkan orang sekitar mereka. agar mereka tidak dianggap aneh atau beda.

gue mulai kehilangan diri gue atau malah mulai menemukan diri gue sebenarnya? skeptis dan sinis? saat bahagia datang gue malah mendorongnya pergi karena gue takut akan kecanduan dan tidak bisa lepas. lebih memilih disakiti karena itu membuat gue tampak dewasa dan kuat. bisa menjadikan alasan untuk menyalahkan orang lain dari kesalahan yang sebenarnya bisa lo perbaiki.

where is hell??
let me find it
let me run into it
i wanna feel the hot of the fire
i wanna be burn by them
so i dont have to feel this
feel the blood of hatred down my vein
flow through my broken heart

OWNER OF A LONELY HEART

Yes - Owner Of A Lonely Heart Lyrics

(Rabin/Anderson/Squire/Horn)

Move yourself
You always live your life
Never thinking of the future
Prove yourself
You are the move you make
Take your chances win or loser

See yourself
You are the steps you take
You and you - and that's the only way

Shake shake yourself
You're every move you make
So the story goes

Owner of a lonely heart
Owner of a lonely heart
Much better than - a
Owner of a broken heart
Owner of a lonely heart

Say you don't want to chance it
You've been hurt so before

Watch it now
The eagle in the sky
How he dancin' one and only
You lose yourself
No not for pity's sake
There's no real reason to be lonely
Be yourself
Give your free will a chance
You've got to want to succeed

Owner of a lonely heart
Owner of a lonely heart
Much better than - a
Owner of a broken heart
Owner of a lonely heart

Owner of a lonely heart

After my own decision
They confused me so
My love said never question your will at all
In the end you've got to go
Look before you leap
And don't you hesitate at all - no no
Owner of a lonely heart

Owner of a lonely heart


Owner of a lonely heart
Owner of a lonely heart
Much better than - a
Owner of a broken heart
Owner of a lonely heart
(repeat)

Owner of a lonely heart

Sooner or later each conclusion
Will decide the lonely heart
It will excite it will delight
It will give a better start

Owner of a lonely heart

Owner of a lonely heart


Don't deceive your free will at all
Don't deceive your free will at all
Don't deceive your free will at all
Just receive it

Owner of a lonely heart

i love this song........ old song but still catch my mind real good. u are ur own decision. but i better live my life with lonely heart than with broken heart.
i know a lot of people wont understand........

Sequence in Waterfalls

This pics taken in Curug Cigamea if im not mistaken... coz in this place there are some waterfalls. After all these years living near Bogor i just know the place to buy bags n eat without knowing this place. riding motorcycle with my friend for almost 3 hours to get there...although my body especially my butt ^_^ was hurt but it worth it when i enter the place... i can see pine trees and like others who live they're life in the jungle of building it really comforting.

In this waterfalls i can scream to release my burden inside and just look at the water falling hard and feels the splash all over my face n my body.....
In my head i just thought why i hevent know this place long aga...why can i know the nature that God give me sooner. I really thankful although its kinda too late but i meet all my friend that lead me through Gods nature... i want to see all....

I want to challenge my body to the fullest..... all the journey can torn out my body but still leaving hole in my heart. i dont want find other man to fill it yet, not yet.... i want to fill it with God's nature and love from friends..... I still want to feel this black hole that sucks me through his eyes n smile until there isnt more rooms even for myself to breath...

it hurts but i satisfy from this scars coz the scars of love makes u stronger. Someone said it better to love and hurt than not knowing what love is. I still cant choose which one is better. One hand i know love but it hurt so deep and the other hand i dont know love but it leave a hole of emptiness.

Let me enjoy the pain...... Let me live with the scars...
Hold me with your uncertainty....
Kiss me with your broken promises
Let me swim in your pleasure of broken heart.....
than i wil die peacefully

Close to Heaven on Earth

Dear my heart,

melihat kegundahanmu belakangan ini membuat aku mencari cara untuk menenangkan dan banyak yang membuat aku berlari ke alam dan semakin ingin merasakan surga2 yang Tuhan berikan di bumi ini.
Minggu kemarin g ke air terjun di daerah bogor dan untuk mencapai tempat itu g melewati hutan pinus yang bagus banget...saat melintasi jalan2 yang bisa melihat ke bawah pemandangan indah bgt dengan hijau menghampar dimana mana. huahhhh kayaknya jauh bgt dr kebisingan jakarta ini. walau msh banyak kendaraan2 yang lewat di tempat itu karena memang salah satu tempat wisata tapi tetap berasa nyaman. saat hujan n g ktemu suatu warung yg sedang tutup tapi tempat itu ada tempat utk duduk2 melihat hujan dan melihat pemandangan di bawah yg begitu nyaman.... bener2 ga bisa di gambarin dgn kata2 deh...tetep foto2 dr gaya yg gila2an deh... but dont judge me but EGP kt maia ^_^


hati g saat itu begitu tenang seperti semua luka dihati hilang. semangat timbul untuk dapat melewati apa aja. menyembuhkan luka yang mungkin akan tetap ada bekasnya tapi akan menjadi pengingat untuk rasa yang g dapatkan.

rasa yang begitu indah walau tidak dapat diraih tapi tetap ku syukuri karena aku masih bisa merasakan hal ini.

"Egois reaksi normal bagi insan yang mengatasnamakan cinta. Jika cinta tak terbalas jangan dipaksakan karena cinta hanya untuk cinta. Biarlah cinta itu jadi tembang manis dalam hidup. Jika memiliki akan mendapatkan cinta maka itu hal luar biasa yang pernah ada. "

itu adalah puisi yang diberikan seorang teman. membuat g merenung tentang cinta itu sendiri.mengingat tujuan hidup yang diberikan Nya dan juga yang ingin g jalani. bila harus melewati sakit untuk mendapatkan bahagia apakah kuat g melewati ini semua?

saat melewati hamparan pohon pinus tersebut seperti nya Tuhan sedang mengatakan pada gue bahwa semua bisa g lewati asal percaya pada Nya. Dia lah jawaban semuanya. Dulu g begitu berpegang pada jawaban dari Nya kenapa bbrp saat ini saat mental g lelah g lupa? terlalu hectic dengan dunia membuat g lupa membangun lebih dalam hubungan g dengan Nya.

Sangat berterima kasih dengan kawan2 baru g yang membuat g ingat akan alam walau agak terlambat. g harap masih banyak waktu buat lebih banyak alam2 yang bisa g eksplore.mulai gunung,sungai,pantai,dll

Be still my heart

Some people said time will heal you
there maybe some scars leave on
but you will still can live
it wont be the same
but whatever happen
see all the smiles from you friends
bring them into your heart
become your strength to move on

Be still my heart

although it takes time
but you will find the true one
hope you still have part of you
to be given to the one
all the tears will be paid
by the smiles you have

-reckless mind-

Jalan2.........

Deretan perjalanan gue untuk melepas penat walau menambah penat badan karena tidak tidur. tapi seneng bgt bisa nyebur ke kali eh sungai deng hueueuhe... jadi ingat masa kecil yg sdh berpuluh tahun lalu huaahuahuah... ke sukabumi dengan harapan melihat alam dan bila sampai masih tengah malam mau bediam diri menjadi satu dengan kesunyian bersama jangkrik dan makhluk lainnya. tapi sayang sampai sudah subuh jdnya menunggu matahari terbit deh.
begitu indah dan hijau ala yg terhampar...membuat ingin merenung arti suatu hidup...taela vita...
walau capek keren deh...belum lagi melihat side lain dr wisata sungai hauauha g dibanting ke deras arus n batu2 an...cape berat...tapi g tunggu deh jalan2nya lagi iya ga pren....

reckless mind

Perjalanan 1 malam

Perjalanan 1 malam

Dont expect anything from that journey. Just want see what God gave us. The green that lay upon us makes me feel vulnerable n so small. When i fight the current i dont even realize that it can represent my life right now. But i t does. Slowly i can see that it all drained my spirits. In other hand it makes me stronger with thought of him. every smile he gave me and every words that we exchange can brighten my day. but then i realize i need more friendships that really pure not just acted love. i am only human that can be hurt but i know what cant kil me only make me stronger.
i dont feel ashamed to cry and confess how hurt it is but thats my problem coz this is my heart. I dont need ur pity face it can make me worse. if u want to pretend to care just be my friends. But i dont think u can do that. i dont know why u can do that but its the same like everybody ask why can i just like others than u? i cant stop this feeling coz to me its precious but i will act like i lost this feeling. hope u happy and i can see u smile still.


Begitu ajaib jawaban yang diberikan Nya
melalui jalan yang tidak terpikirkan
melalui perjalanan satu malam
kulihat dia dengan begitu nyata
melihat dia begitu dekat
tapi dipasangnya tembok begitu tinggi
apakah ku tak pantas sekedar jadi temannya
apakah hanya aku yang begitu sesak
bahkan udara pun tak rela ku hirup

melalui arus yang ku lawan
ku dapati kenyataan hidup
harus ku tahan semua ini
inilah bebanku yaitu perasaanku
lelah melawan arus yang bertubi
kuserahkan diri pada alurnya
tak lagi melawan
lelah....
sesak...
hela....
napas...

Arrivederci amore mio (Selamat tinggal sayang)
Son tuo sempre (untukmu selamanya)

March 22, 2008 at 07:17 PM

Arrivederci amore mio

Arrivederci amore mio

Sahabatku....
dengarlah ceritaku ini
Tentang perasaan yang pergi dan yang datang

Saat rasa yang pergi dan terbang terbawa angin
membuka ruang kosong dalam hati ku
tak menyadari siapkah untuk ditinggalkan

Diam diam menyelinap rasa itu datang
berusaha memberikan cahaya baru disini
tanpa memaksa untuk tinggal

Begitu cepat nasib membawaku ke tempat ini
mengingatkanku pada suatu rasa di suatu masa
yang kukira tak akan kurasa lagi

Inilah suatu arti bahwa cinta tak harus memiliki raga
karena hati yang berbicara dan perasaan yang mengasa
sampai panah sang malaikat cinta jatuh tepat di hati

Bersyukurlah masih bisa merasakan nya
namun lepaskan rasa benci dan dendam
Jalani kehidupan satu per satu sesuai moment nya

Ku percaya akan satu cinta akan sampai padaku
Dalam moment yang pas dan panah malaikat cinta terlepas
mengena tepat di hatiku dan hati nya

-reckless mind -

March 13, 2008 at 07:57 PM

MOURNING WEEK

yesterday our own Indonesia ex President died. This country make one week to mourn for him. this feel so contradictive. just few days earlier the same week a lot of people protested for his trial n this country still on hold on that cases. but suddenly every mistake become blur (force to dissapeared?) n we have one week national mourning??

i realize i one of them who thinks it was feel better when he was th 1st man.on the other hand i also know a lot of things happen that been silenced for his best ( or ours? ) I heard what u dont know cant killed u. Then again about his corruption?? i dont know about this n i dont feel any different in my life if his still the president or put behind bars?

in my own opinion i see this situation so funny. When our people gain what we call freedom from protesting n force the goverment to heard our opinions but why we still import our food? why a lot of people starve to death n cant have education, health,safety.
Are we even ready to get the freedon that we want? Sometimes we have to be careful what we wish for coz u might have it.

hope this journey of handling the freedom that we have wont take long to cope. especially the people on higher places. coz it affect the people below them. who only have fighting spirits less than before. Hope they know that the people who fight for this so-called freedom had hopes n dreams.

i dream of living freely, free education till senior high,health insurance,better public transportation. Dont just follow the bad side of western but also the good side such as free education and based on skill, health insurance, social numbers, etc

i dont know what to say but to say that this mourn week will also be the mourning of our country past n future.

New Year New me???

HAPPY NEW YEAR =P

walau sdh lewat tapi masih terasa bgt aromanya. nulis tahun aja msh suka 2007.belum terbiasa kayaknya pdhal dah 2 minggu lebih nih.but this year although i wouldn said it was a resolution but like a plan for this year.

1. Forward to keeping money till 2009.
2. Post grad for becoming psycholog (compromise with my parents)

thats the whole picture of 2008 for me. but for each plan they hev heir own step.
im hoping for the number one i can tighten my need of shopping. not clothes or others but food =p cant help it to taste good food n expensive. also try my best to invest or saving every month.thats hard for me coz never get used to that skill of saving.but now im learning to write down my expense. but now i hev my own privilege of indovision in my room. that the cost that i dont want to cut off coz i stay at my room a lot when im in the house.

for thw second ne well it must help by my parents but i already hev their blessing. i just hev to find the best place who offer the best price huehehhe or maybe it will be postponed till 2009 to save some money. i also looking for scholarship.

back to work again...

peace n out

Happy Bday To Me

Happy Bday To Me ( Sept 17th, 2007 )

One more year has passed... a lot of things going on in my life. But like other phase of life there also ups n downs. In some way i grow but also stuck =p.

But i know something though...that i feel cozy with myself. i know me thats important. For couple of years ive a habit on my bday to go someplace alone n just think and off course eat. i love eat =)
thats the thing that i like in me. i like being with myself. i hev to keep that. sometimes u can feel lonely or needed somebody but it can go away if u know yourself.

i hev met a lot of people that dont feel comfort in themselves. thats why they can be alone.they need to socialize n sometimes or a lot of times they do things that they others like but stupid i a way. i know this can be happening in women n men. BUt i know for sure in women coz i am one =p
i feel sad n mad when i know or maybe my closest n dearest friend do something stupid just to be in love or for the one they "think" they love. Sometimes LOve can be justification for things that not supposed to happen. like cheating, affair, in love with someone that already hev gf/bf or even spouse?? they only give love words,gifts or hugs n kisses but they can give themselves bcoz they already give that to one man/woman in the name of God.

Love sometimes can be hurting but u hev to know it logic or just justification of needing someone. See the actions in the name of love not just the words.

I know it maybe shallow bcoz theres always layers of every things but just feel it. if it feels rights do it but if dont then just stop.

I love the blessing that God give me to know the grey areas but not deep on it. I thank God that He gives me lovely friends n families that keep my head on the ground =p

Peace n God Bless.

Secret Admire

Ill become one of the secret admire. i dont know if i can call it a secret anymore coz everytime i see him my face blushed.my face bertrayed me. he got this charisma that u can look but u can have.its not that i wanting him,i just simply admire him. first, not being hypocrit =p , his looks caught my eyes ( ddeeee..... ) then second his so humble. when u know him or his status and u see his attitude everyday n u will agree with me.

His quiteness and shyness share the same feelings with me.first time we pass by on the corridor i pull my guts to say good morning but he just passed by n dont want look at me. first it kinda hurt me but then i saw his friends testimonial about how shy he is....

i dont hink its wrong right to become secret admire, since i dont want to become stalker or anything near that.

BUt then again he so cute and adorable.how i can resist that

Closer to the edge

closer to the edge..............

thats the word that can describe myself from day by day that i walk through. Maybe this feeling accumulate coz its been long time since i meet u God. I starting to surpress n hide my real feeling bcoz i want everybody see im alright.but the truth the rage is hidden deep that even i can pretend.

im tired with the responsibility in office that i can even grasp. i try to hold on to one side but eventually the other side start to loosen up. it happens all the time. sometimes i just want ran away from all this.

why this words i keep hearing from others and when they say that words... i can calmly say that its human. Bcoz we are from flesh and blood that have our own need not to be burden. Need to fly away and be free. Alas we all have responsibility that take us to real word.

i so used to hide things and make my head fully loaded.sometimes i can cry suddenly when i saw a movie or just part of the scene. i know this is the symptoms of my tiredness (is that a word ?? ) whatever....

i really need to get things out of my chest. bcoz it affected my perspective of things. i start to think that i better left alone. i just need people to be around me but not relationship bcoz it full of hope n wanting. i like lying on my bed, watch tv, n call my friends that i wanted, hang out with people that i want n its all without hoping if that people want to or not.

it really exhausting this kind of relationship.they want a piece of me without have to give out something from them?? what is the rality of take n give?? everybody hev their own ego.... they want what they want period.

i can blabbing all day but still i know i need them but want to be free of them....

SUCKS...............

Sudah memasuki hari libur minggu ini...jakarta mulai lengang karena banyak yg mudik...walau di daerah gading kayaknya ga sepi2 amat krn tampaknya mayoritas non muslim...malah mal makin rame karena para pembantu udah pulang jadinya ga masak deh....

di rumah gue malah jadi kapal pecah karena lagi di cat n di renov kecil2an deh...ruangannya dibuat kayak dulu lagi diman ruang tamu los aja gtu...cuma untuk dapur yah disekat coz banyak yang hidung nya sensitif ma bau masakan pdhal pd makan kok enak2 aja ah huahahhhaaaa............. sensi atau terlalu dibuat-buat well i dont know. orang kan punya pemikiran beda2 iya ga.

Pernah ga lo ngerasain segitu ga bisa hormatnya lo ma org yg pdhal dr segi umur n posisi dia hrsnya dihormatin...bahkan tu org sendiri pernah bilang lo kok ga mandang g??? well jwban g adalah g ga bisa munafik. apalgi g udah pernah liat org itu buka topengnya n it hit me so hard n make step so deep inside that i cant erase. g ga pernah ngerasain begini but i reaaly eat my feeling... g menyimpan dalem2 but that person juga ga memberi contoh ya sudah begitu terus deh... i cant seem to think something nice n sincere from him?

have u ever felt like that? i hope not.coz it sucks u deep. g terkadang merenung napa g bisa sgini nya.se sebel nya g ma org ga pernah sampe se dalam ini ...mungkin i see his action everyday yah....jadi bukan makin baik tp makin parah...huahhhaaaahahaaaa...........

Do we have to please others??

Do we really need to please others all the time...although it risk our relationship? which do we choose when all that things collide together?
saat ini di otak g begitu banyak pertanyaan mengenai hubungan antar manusia. dari pertemanan, persaudaraan, pacaran, dsb. dimanakah skala prioritas kita?
sebegitu besarkah rasa tidak enak atau malu pada teman yg notabene adalah teman kerja kita? apa krn kita perlu secara bisnis maka org yg hub lebih lama atau lebih dekat akan dikorbankan??

can we really answer that ??

Dear Myself

Hello myself,

where have u been. ive been looking for u. we need to have a deep talk. about ur feelings, ur future, n everything that u really want in the future.
u lose urself easily and think too much. u dont want to let go but also dont want to hold on. u know everything in this world will be gone at some point. u have to realize it and u will be able to face it.

i know it hard sometime. but like the old saying.... time will heal...

why u always fall for the same hole. did u regret the past? we know better than that. we know it wont give us the future. or did u hope for something else. do u want to lose what u have now?

i know its hard but u have to put ur mind together. if u can handle it nomore. talk to me or someone u can depend on. ur not alone u know. u just afraid that if u show ur true feeling, people might judge u differently right.or maybe u will be lost once again.

u are worth it. u have to know that .

well see u later. hope in better condition.

satu hari lagi lewat...minggu ini seharusnya cukup menyenangkan karena ada libur di tengah minggu tapi untuk kembali ke rutinitas membuat jadi malas.

begitu banyak yang terjadi di sekeliling gue beberapa minggu belakangan ini. ada sahabat2 ku yang bingung ( penggambaran paling ringan dari masalah hati mereka) dalam kehidupan percintaan. pertanyaan yang jadi nomor satu adalah : klo memang apa yang dirasakan begitu mendalam kenapa semua jadi berantakan?

hubungan yang berjalan lama, ternyata hancur karena masalah tingkah laku. itupun kalo ditilik lebih lanjut terkadang membuat gue berpikir apa memang kita,kaum perempuan,terlalu menuntut? awalnya ingin kompromi tapi pasangan malah merasa terpaksa? apakah suatu hubungan yang sudah lama seharusnya menjadi lebih mengerti satu sama lain atau malah semakin mendorong menjauh dengan samakin besarnya jurang pemisah.mulai dari cara berpikir, cara berteman,dan masih banyak lainnya.

tapi bila itu menjadi jurang kenapa masih ada keinginan kuat untuk tetap ingin bersama.ingin mencoba memperbaiki.kebanyakan itu semua dari si perempuan lagi. apakah kita memang makhluk yang persistent atau terlalu berharap?? hehehehe...........

terus ada lagi yang bermasalah dengan cari kerja dan juga pekerjaan. cari kerja susah saat dapat kerja ada aja yang kurang sedangkan saat dapat kerja yang menyenangkan tetap aja ada yang kurang juga. well memang rumput tetangga akan selalu lebih hijau yah.

tetapi kenapa gue sendiri cenderung lagi afek datar yah...hehehe kayak arie aja gue yah. sedikit goyah hanya karena kemaren rabu dapat kabar ola polonia,omanya elin meninggal tiba2.itu doang yang bikin gue sedikit merasa bahwa masih ada perasaan gue ternyata yah... kangen juga ketemu ma mama agus n om parera =p

So lonnnggggg........

been such a long time since i pour my heart n mind...its been the residence of my work day after day...this is the work i wanted but it really suck my mind n time out. everything needs sacrifice right... u got one but lose other.

a lot of people come my way... a lot of experience make my perspective wider... i know myself litle by little. ternyata dari setiap kepribadian itua da lapisan2 yg bayak n complicated...
rasa sayang itu ada banyak lapisan...rasa benci juga begitu... kembali ke orang nya msing2 untuk mempermudah atau mengikuti kerumitan lapisan itu... but i guess thats the phenomena of life... walaupun mnrt g klo manusia bisa lebih mudah mengembil arti kehidupan dr fase2 yg dihadapi g yakin masalah2 yg dihadapi tiap mns atu bahkan suatu negara akan lebih mudah...semua akan tenteran dan damai. but i guess that hard way to go. bahkan alasan cinta aja bisa jadi perang.

i know now that i want to get my psycholog degree...so i can be onsultant or maybe opening a beureau... i like to hear what ithers felt...i want to help them that have something deep in their thought.
i know i need a long way to go...but its okay to have a dream right =)

i know my precious moments is with my friend n love ones...it really fill my heart with happiness.... i sad when my friend sad,i wanto to help them happy although just by listening their problem...

God Bless...........

Recap of 3months

here i go again.....in nowhere land.....searching for something in my mind,in my life,in my heart!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

blogger ini menjadi bagian hidup g buat nguras otak gue yg klo dah kepenuhan.utk saat ini cukup butuh waktu jg buat kepenuhan yah..... its been 3months i dont write anything.

this is a recap of this past 3months.

i moved job again.from the rimau (the one in harmony) to daan mogot again.this one ive become HR....although at first i still searcing to become a good n capable HR..i know i become better :p but srill the trauma coz by experience from working rimau still haunted me.im afraid suddenly the region head or my GM doesnt like without telling me.dont like my personality no coz of my work......
it haunted me like an owl searching for mouse...............
i try to thank for His blessing coz i only jobless for around 2 weeks before i got this job where i become HR,the work that i want to be coz of my background of course n in here i become supervisor...not bad right??although the responsibilty behind it also big....kinda jumping 2 steps of stairs at once.
thats the story of my prof life...

my personal on the other hand....its okay...on sept ona come jkt for her sista wedding....we hung out for couple of times....withthe cav ganks n of course dami n tito. although im in the middle of working so i can be around much.but il ove when we hung out,tell story of our life n around us.laugh togeher....its make life easier at that time before come back to real life.see benny after a long time with his new haircut n colour (ciee yg mau jd famous.......)

my bday on sept 17th is unforgetabble coz the ganks give me book n we can hung out together.anton give me shirts of god inc,the one that i want.luv u hani bani heehehe.........

i think thats it...i try to balance between prof n personal life...coz in prof life i know thats not fully me,bcoz i hev to bcome they leader not their friend.instead i also balance bwtween with my friends n with anton....i need that to recharge myself when i come to office every monday especially.

skarang dah mau lebaran...ga brasa bgt deh...g dpt libur 10hr yg kbanyakan g pake buat ngumpul ma anak2 n jalan2 ma anton tanpa hrs kpikiran cepet2 pulang krn bsok kerja heheheheh.....walau tetep sdikit mikirin kantor krn g hrs cek jg satpam yg jaga bener2 ga kmana2.krn kantor g walau libur dr tgl 31 tp ada yg stby utk teknisi dr 31-2nov.blm kantor yg d bks jg hrs d cek....lumayan deh bikin pulsa habis heehehhe.....

tp g seneng bgt buat keh g 3bln ini serta liburan lebaran ini krn banyak karunia dr Tuhan buat g.....g smakin brasa kebaikan dia mengingatkan g akan ssorg yg harus g mulai belajar memaafkan.seperti Dia bilang maafkanlah musuh2mu...itu adl yg terberat....yah....hanya Tuhan yg bisa bantu g buat forgive n forget.

Well itu dulu kalee yah....

Suddenly u think...........

i never thought i would be in this position........... i really dont like it.this is the dillema of anything that ive told people not to do when they are in this position.Coz i know logically u have to choose.but it so hard.one hand this is where u already write down ur history together all these years,if u think as a blank paper.but when u see the story in that paper,u become more thoughtfull about everything but u never decided to ended the story coz a lot of thing make u tired but never desperate. but now u see ur other hand where other blank paper start to fill with words of hope n affection. story that i thought i never ever gone through again. story that i never think so much can tore my mind and my heart.

just a flash of something,i start to write that other paper. i have my own story along the way but never think to write in different blank paper.just think this is something along the way.
i really confused right now.im so happy i can feel the butterfly again but on the other hand this is dangerous.i become the old me the one that i try to left behind.the one that need chalengge,crave attention,and all others.

when i see the two paper.my heart start to sank and feel a whole inside of me.i only can pray.but still something inside my head echo 'how about if this is the truth??'
how i ever answer the question.its like one foot on the inside room n other start walking outside??i want to inside and just feel safe but the other i want to try something new so i know which one best? but do i suppose to go outside to know that??
o God.....it stuck in my head.for the first time of my life,i feel the tingle since day one.have u ever feel that?? i know its not logic.but that is what i felt when we first met.i crave so much............
for all u out there who know me.....what should i do????This is the time i really need some backup.i cant decide or wont? i dont know............

='(

Life of his own

Life of my own

day by day, step by step
like a little child learning to walk.
one step ahead from another.

time goes by like a ghost,
stealing your time and experience
hide in every corner of your life
to take it all,before you realize.

you only see in you memory
what time has stolen....
if u cant even notice it
it gone like the wind
without any trace.

cherich every moment u have
like it is ur last day.
u wont regret in your memory
or even when u cant trace it anymore.
but you know for sure
that memory has something special
coz you cherish it...

every step has its own mark.
believe it or not,
it will leave marks....

So follow your path of life
Coz that is Life of my own.